The "Disneyland" dad...

I was raised by good parents who instilled in my sisters and I what a man should and shouldn't do and what to expect from our future spouses. And sadly from the time I was in high school I have seen many a man be what is called a Disneyland dad, and not what my parents would define as a good spouse. If one doesn't know what a Disneyland dad is he is a man who has little to no input or takes little or no responsibility for the raising of his child or children. He is more into the having fun and giving gifts and spending only the minimum amount of time required interacting with them and then ignores them the rest of the time. The moms of these kids is left to often carry the brunt of the responsibility for making sure everyday things like getting up, going to school, feeding themselves, making sure homework is done, etc. is addressed and often these moms have little to no life beyond being that disciplinarian role. The moms of these kids usually work either full time or part time jobs and barely make ends meet and often look years older than they are. I dont know if it was the mentality of some of my parents later generation who thought it better to be their kids friend, rather than a parent to them because that would make them uncool to their kids that instilled this attitude or some other factor, but I have seen more and more of this trend with the men of my generation. I'm going to be 35 this year and have been with a very good man for 15 years and married to him for 10 of those years. He and I got married when I was several months pregnant. Now yes that is usually what would be the catalyst to the trend from my previous observations, but was not the case with him. He not only stuck with me but has been a rock and my partner though the many ups and downs of raising our daughter. Now I mentioned sisters at the beginning and yes my sisters are both married, and one of them is everything our parents taught us was a good man, but the other is all that is a Disneyland dad and more. I will admit that he has changed a little bit but not much. He also tends to backslide a great deal and my sister says that his behavior is because of his mother and her husband. But he hasn't lived with them in more than a decade when does making excuses for someone stop and they are held responsible for their own behavior. I was taught by my parents that you are responsible for yourself and can't blame anyone else for how you act. So the question is the behavior of a Disneyland dad learned at their parents knee or is it a conscious decision of behavior?

The Unsupervised Teen Mob...

I'm sorry to all those that it's been so long between posts will do better this year, promise. I know this probably dates me but when I was a teenager I was never allowed to just go up to the biggest mall in the area, just because I could on a Saturday afternoon. The few times I would ask to do that I was given this response: are your chores done and is the homework done?? Usually my response to this was no but I have tomorrow to do it, but funny thing my parents come back was: no if you have things to do here then I don't need to be wasting the gas to take you somewhere else. Yet I go to the malls on the weekends now as I have gotten older and have found that that's what parents will do. They will drive whole groups of 4,5,6,7, etc number of kids to local malls pullover and say 'bye calling when you want to be picked up...' Or 'you have enough for the bus right?' This completely floors me everytime I see it or hear it. These are usually the same adults who complain about the number or crimes committed by juveniles. I'm always like wanting to turn around and give them a a Gibbs head smack saying 'hello your contributing to it by dumping your kids at the mall instead of keeping them home doing something constructive like reading a book or cleaning their room.' People can't comment about the delinquency of minors of they are going to enable them by expecting shopping malls to be their children's babysitters and soul source of engagement. That's not what the malls job is nor is it the people who work the stores in the mall. I worked retail at several of the local malls for a number of years and I hated and dreaded the weekends and it wasn't the traffic or the fact that there was never enough parking it was that I would see groups of teens roaming the mall just going from store to store using products, trashing the stores, disrupting displays and mannequins leaving clothes and product scattered everywhere and they would never have a parent with them nor would they buy anything because they were only given enough for a coffee in the morning and some cash for lunch and maybe a movie later. These kids would be there for HOURS! I was always like I don't remember it saying in my job description I'm to clean up after groups of roaming, wandering parent-free children. It would drive me crazy. I was always like don't these kids have homes with chores for them to do and be at? So a ask to all the parents out there who do this please put yourself in the shoes of the mall cop, or the sales clerk, or the makeup girl at ugly or Sephora and ask yourself are they responsible for my teenager or am I and can't I come up with something other then the mall for them to do on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon? Just another thought from the Cop Mom

Mixed Messages....

Was watching GMA this morning and they showed a report that just boggled my mind. A girl on the east coast had received a call from a friend who had attended a party where there was underage drinking the friend knew that if she drove in her condition, there was a good chance she would never make it home either because she would have wrapped herself around something or killed someone, so she called this girl. The girl who had not attended as she had been working at her job that day went to be a good Samaritan and drive her friend. Shortly after getting to the location where the party was being held the police showed up. Now understand the police never arrested her, they didn't take her into custody and she was in fact able to take her friend home, but her school who has a 'zero tolerance' policy about parties with underage drinking suspended the "good Samaritan" from school for 5 days and removed her from the volleyball team as captain. Now understand she had not been drinking and was never even taken into custody for it, but the school claimed in their appointment that she had. Her family is fighting to get her back into school and have the incident expunged from her record, since it could harm her chances of getting into college. Also this student is an honor roll student and does not normally go out to parties of this nature. This has also enraged the parents of the girl that she was there to pick up. The family has been told basically by the courts that there isn't anything they can do to overtime the schools ruling, which I think is utterly ridiculous since they can at any other time over turn school rulings and have in the past. I'm a little upset with the school since the message that they are sending to students is that being a good samaritan will get you into trouble. Would they rather have these students drive themselves then ask for help. Also didn't it ever occur to the school that maybe the drunk student couldn't call family since they may have been out of town at the time and that the good samaritan was the last choice before driving in her condition. It really is a massive mixed signals message, saying that if you get a call don't go help since it will only get you into trouble. I understand the concept behind the zero tolerance policy and applaud it but that doesn't mean that they should punish the people trying to do the right thing and save lives. We as parents try and teach our children to help their fellow man and then schools, agencies, and companies come along and punish them when they do what we would want them to do in the situation, it really hurts our efforts as parent and makes for even more trouble because it in stills in that child that if they get into trouble no one is going to be there for fear of the same thing. If the school really wanted to punish someone punish the kid who held the party, punish the girl who attended and needed the ride, but for pity sake don't punish the girl trying to do the right thing. Just more thoughts from the mom cop.

What happen to knowing how to behave in a theater....

I went to the movies a few days ago and it was the first time in a couple of months that I had. I have noticed and the opinion for this past week on Sunday morning that I enjoy watching also pointed this out that people have forgotten how to behave in movie theaters. I went to see the mortal instruments: city of bones; which is a movie that I had been curious about and had not read the book on and so it was film that was going to require me to pay attention to catch pertinent plot points. This was made next to impossible as even though I had gone to the last showing in an outlying area theater, I might as well have been downtown or at the other big theater mega plex at midday. The people in theater felt that they needed to keep up a running commentary throughout the film. I spent more time being aware of what the people around me we're saying instead of the actors on screen. The opinion given was of a similar vain, why do people feel that they need to be on their phones, and texting and discussing other things at volume that although low is still just loud enough to keep other people distracted? I almost did what the guy who gave the opinion had done: stand up in the theater, turn around to the people behind me and scream at them "SHUT UP!", but then I remember what he said I would have been the exact same thing, another interruption that wouldn't have been right. Theater operators comment that torrent sites like kickass and pisexy are taking away their profits with films and keeping people from going to the theater, but I have to say that that isn't true. It's not the theater rates, or the other "extras" that are keeping patrons away, it's the other theater goers. It's more entertaining to be able to sit in your own home watching a film that would have cost you and your family nearly a full days wages to see in theater without 75-80 other people talking through it than to pay that and not be able to enjoy the film. I would rather stay home watching a ripped copy of a film, than pay almost $35 and not be able to enjoy the film that cost me half a tank of gas. If theaters don't want to keep loosing patrons, then they need to take a page out of the book that Alamo theaters did and physically eject people who don't abide by the rules. Watch the Sunday morning opinion section for this past Sunday and you will see what I mean it is worth the viewing. Just another tidbit from the mom cop.

Role Models and Unrealistic Epectations

I was watching the show the View this morning, and one of the opening topics for discussion was Miley Cyrus and how she was the number 1 "bad role model" for girl empowerment. And at one point they brought up Hannah Montana. The four hosts were Whoopi Goldberg-who I think is just made of complete awesomeness, Sherri Shepard another made of complete awesomeness, and two guest hosts. The context of the discussion revolved around whether Miley was encouraging the sexualization of young girls and that her current adult behavior was encouraging young girls to be more sexual. And Whoopi made the comment, and I had to agree with it. Miley Cyrus is an adult and if she wants to act a certain way that is her choice, if you are still connecting her real life behavior with that of a fictional character that she portrayed as a child then you are the one at fault and you need to stop. She is an adult. One of the guest hosts who is a black male comedian pointed out- that parents should be the role models for their kids and that by pushing that responsibility off on celebrities and then penalizing them for acting as they wish is your fault. Hannah Montana was a character on a show and not a real person. Miley Cyrus is a real person, but she is also an adult and by the way, if you as a parent are letting your kids watch Miley now then you need your head examined. She is writing her music for an adult female audience not young girls. I don't care if she was portraying a character that young girls wanted to emulate, the character was fiction not real. If society can't make the distinction between what is fiction and what is real then people need to seek psychiatric help. I agree with most of what some of the hosts said about how we as parents let our kids watch shows that show young girls characters in different ways and that our young daughters want to emulate in real life, but I make it a point to explain to my daughter that these are not real people; the real people playing them are just that. They are acting out a role of a character in a fictional universe. I also explain that the behavior that these actors are doing is not who they are. We need to reevaluate how we as a society promote role models to our children. Role models need to be someone that our kids can say 'I would like to be LIKE that person....' not 'I WANT to BE that person...' Role Models also should not be held to an unrealistic standard, after all they are not any different from you or I, they are humans like the rest of us. Role Models also should not be entertainers. They should be people like President Obama and First lady Michelle Obama, or on this day of remembrance Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., or the great Eleanor Roosevelt, or Jackie Kennedy, or Robin Roberts, or and this is going to sound pretentious but Princess Diana, or the Duchess of Cambridge Princess Kate. These are people would should want our kids looking up to for their great works and the powers for change that they started or have made. Role Models by the very name should make a person want to take on that role: President, first lady, etc. If the role model is someone that is an entertainer let it be because they used their fame for change like Angelina Jolie, she is a member of the United Nations humanitarian effort. That is a good person to want to be like. Making a splash to make a difference. Finally on the topic of role models I have one last thing to say and it was something that one of the hosts said and I agree: if you want a role model for your child or children, then let it be you. You be the role model and make for them a person that they want to emulate and strive to be like. For me my role models were my mother and my grandmother. My mother has strived to uphold the law for more than 25 years, and my grandmother was a great educator for our county till she passed away. They have in stilled in my a drive to uphold the law and make a difference, and that is what I hope my daughter will remember about me when asked who her role model was or is.
Words from the mom cops.

"Quiet time" and Curfews...

As I have mentioned previously, I'm not only a future member of law enforcement I'm a mom and a wife. So the concept of "quiet-time" laws and curfews when I was younger offended me. Now though I get the need for them and the desire to ENFORCE them. I live in a place where the homes are nearly right on top of each other, no it is not an apartment building, but similar in nature. In our neighborhood are regulations you might think of them as CCR's for conduct within the neighborhood boundaries, one of those rules is that all loud music or noise must be down or off by 10 pm. When I was younger I thought who cares what time I shut off my music; if I want to be outside still partying at 1 or 2 in the morning I should have that right. Now as a parent I have come to appreciate those rules, since getting little kids to sleep at a certain time and making sure that they go to sleep is hard enough, but when there is major distractions outside, it just makes it that much harder. 
 With the curfew it kind of works with the quiet time laws as a kid is not likely to be where they shouldn't if they are respecting the quiet time laws, they are more than likely to be at home where they should be. The need for respecting the quiet time laws really makes one think that even though you think they are a nuisance they have a purpose and are actually written as a way of giving parents and other adults with young kids a break. So the next time your neighbor comes out and it is after 11 pm and they ask you to shut off or turn down the music, know that they aren't saying it to be a pain, and put your self in their position and cut them a break and do as your asked. They are just trying to get a cranky, rowdy, munchkin to bed and your just making it harder. So be a good neighbor and help out. Another bit of advice from the mom cop.

What Are Your kids Really Doing When They Go To School?

We see the news broardcasts, the informative documentaries, even the youtube commercials about it. But most of the time our common thought is that is not my kid. But how often do you really know what your kids really doing when they go to school. How they treat their fellow students. Most of us would say that our child is an excellent student, very well liked, a real nice person, a popular student. But if you asked the teachers, the yard duties, the security gaurds, the principle, etc. You might get that answer, and sometimes that answer would not even remotely resemble that image you carry in your head and heart. They could and often do say that they are mean, they tease and torrement the other students, they are spiteful, etc. In other words a the child is a BULLY! Now I'm not saying that this always the case but more and more lately it tends to be. I was a person that quite often was on the reciveing end of the bullies treatment. And speaking as the mother of a child that is a "loner" I worry for the day when she becomes the victim of the bullies, as I was before her. The thing is when the bullies escalate their behavior that is when the police become involved. The thing about that is the escalation in behavior usually leads to someone getting hurt. Either it's the bully who has taken the "treatment" too far. OR it's the victime trying to get a little of their own back. In either case it's BAD! We as parents need to take an active role in the lives of our kids so that the end isn't some hospital, or prison, or a box. Schools say that a student is under their protection and authority from the time we drop them off in the morning, till they walk through their door at home at the end of the day. If that is the case then they need to enforce that power, and protect those they know have a history of being bullied. And they need to extend tighter punishments and make sure that the bullies don't an oppertunity to exercise their might. Most of all PARENTS get involved. Make yourself a pain in their collective butts by asking them about their day, who their friends are at school, and go to school with them, I gaurentee that no kid is going to bully another with their mom or dad standing right there. Most of all don't blindly think that the way your kid is at home and how they treat you is how they act at school and treat others. Be friends to your kids but be parents FIRST!